Shadow Snark chapter 4
by Sharona Magliozzo
Summary: Derpy gets her drivers license in order to further the plotline.


**Shadow Snark chapter 4**

**By Sharona Magliozzo**

Shadow Snark rose with the sun as always, he saw the beautiful weather on this Sunday morning and said, "This weeks gonna blow." Then as if perpetrated by divine forces Shine Down and Derpy burst into his room.

"COUSIN LETS GO OGLE NURSES AT THE HOSPITAL!" said Shine Down

"And I got a drivers license!" yelled Derpy

It took a small bit of time for Shadow Snark to take all this in, eventually he said, "They gave you a license?"

"IT'S BOUND TO RESULT IN A GREAT NUMBER OF FEMALE DRIVER JOKES!" said Shine Down

"I'm not concerned about her gender, I'm more concerned about her… mental disposition." Said Shadow Snark

"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Derpy

"It means you're easily distracted, highly accident prone, and aren't the brightest crayon in the box." Said Shadow Snark

"DUDE THAT'S NOT RIGHT! YOU LET THEM DOWN EASY! DON'T BE SO BLUNT!" said Shine Down

"Actually I'm fine with his bluntness, its kind of a mental disability when you think about it, being impatient with him would make me a Hippogriff."

There was a short pause before Shadow Snark said "Hypocrite?"

"I am not!" said Derpy

"I'm not calling you a hypocrite!"

"But you just did!"

"No! I was questioning your grasp of the Equestrian language."

"Oh, that's ok then."

"PONIES! PONIES! WE'RE FORGETTING THE REASON WE INVADED MY COUSINS PRIVACY IN THE FIRST PLACE! WE HAVE NURSES!" Shine Down chimed in

"Derpy, why do you want to go?" asked Shadow Snark

"I want to drive some more! It's so fun, did you know you get extra points for hitting the disabled!?"

There was a brief period of silence before Shadow Snark said, "By Celestia you best be kiddin' girl."

"To the Derpymobile!" yelled Derpy

"Is that what we're calling your car?" asked Shadow Snark

"No that's what we're calling my van!" yelled Derpy, and then they all went out to the Derpymobile.

"This… is the Derpymobile?" asked Shadow Snark. He was perplexed, the Derpymobile was a white windowless van with shag carpeting, fuzzy dice, and a disco ball. Atop the roof was a statue of Derpy.

"It's cool isn't it, can you believe it was only two hundred thousand bits or dollars or whatever we use." yelled Derpy

"Given you bought it, yes, entirely." Said Shadow Snark

"WE'RE WASTING TIME! TO THE HOSPITAL!" yelled Shine Down

And so they all piled into Derpy's van, Shadow took the passenger seat, feeling he may need to take the wheel at some point.

As the Derpymobile sped along the highway, Shadow began getting annoyed. As yet far she had hit three stop signs, two yield signs, six fruit carts and a satellite somehow.

"The amount of money we're going to have to pay for this is going to be astronomical." Said Shadow Snark

"WE!?" asked Shine Down, "WHY WE!? AM I PART OF THIS WE!? BECAUSE I'M NOT PAYING FOR A SATTELITE! THOSE THINGS COST LIKE, A BILLION BITS, OR DOLLARS OR WHATEVER WE USE!"

"Look we're friends, and from what I've been told we're supposed to do things for each other." Said Shadow

"NOT WHEN IT INCLUDES PAYING FOR A SATTELITE!" yelled Shine Down

"Yeah, cause it's not like I work for a physical goddess or anything who can just fix this in seconds. Derpy remember turn signals." Said Shadow

"I can't! The lever requires thumbs!" said Derpy

"Then it's a great idea you bought this car." Said Shadow

"Wait I have an idea! I'll use my teeth!" said Derpy

"Oh that's a brilliant idea Derpy, waitthatwassarcasm!" said Shadow Snark,

Then they hit another car.

"I just don't know what went wrong." Said Derpy

"What went wrong was that you hit the only other car in town." Said Shadow Snark

A being emerged from the other car, it's flesh was black, burnt, and rotted. Its eyes a sickly green color. Then it changed into a brown pony.

"I saw that." Said Shadow

"Saw what?" asked the brown pony

"You changing." Said Shadow

"That's impossible!" exclaimed the brown pony, "Only changelings can change form and as you can see I am no changling." Said the not-changeling

"He's got you there, he doesn't look like a changeling." Said Derpy

"They're changelings! They change! It's in their name!" said Shadow Snark

"It's not in our name!" said the possible changeling

"You just said our… and yes it is!" said Shadow Snark

"Even if I was a changeling, what would you do?" asked the almost definitely changeling

"Probably attempt to recruit you into my cadre of outcasts, given that a changeling in Ponyville doesn't likely have many friends." Said Shadow Snark

"FOR SOMEONE WHO HAS NO SOCIAL SKILLS, YOU'RE PRETTY GOOD AT DECIPHERING SITUATIONAL PROBLEMS!" yelled Shine Down

"He has no social skills?" asked Derpy

"My social skills are not the current topic." Said Shadow Snark

"Yes I believe we should go back to the original one." Said the Changeling, "You really have no quarrels with me being a changeling?" asked the Changeling

"No, why, should I?" asked Shadow Snark

"YES! ACCORDING TO ANCIENT TEXT SUCH CREATURES WOULD OVERTHROW CELESTIA AND ENCOMPASS THE WORLD IN SEXUAL DEVIATION!" yelled Shine Down

"Two things, no wait three things. First I don't believe in a solitary species being chaotic evil, second I only oppose that first part, and third, Changeling guy, are you planning on overthrowing Celestia?" said Shadow Snark

"No." said the Changeling, "I did plan on the whole sexual deviation thing, but I think us Changelings can do that without launching a war. I have already succeeded in lezzing out with a nerdy unicorn over in that big tree."

There was a short pause before Shadow Snark said, "You're a girl!?"

"What!? No! But I can assume the shape of one. As a result all Changelings are pretty much bi."

"That's pretty damn cool Changeling, hey what do we call you anyway?"

"YOU'RE LETTING HIM JOIN THE CADRE!?" asked Shine Down

"You're passing up a chance at sexual deviation?" asked Shadow Snark

"I'M NOT GAY!"

"Neither am I, but he can turn into a girl."

"YOU'RE BI, YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND!"

"My name's Uma o henko suru by the way." Said The Changeling

"Nice to meet you, I'm Shadow Snark. Oh and cousin, it's my cadre I get to decide who to let in."

"COUSIN I WONT STAND FOR THIS!"

"Well I will, and you don't have to like it, but I think this is good! And if it isn't we can just kill him later!"

"So I need a ride, my car's kinda totaled…" said Uma

"I WILL TOLERATE THIS ONLY BECAUSE YOU ARE FAMILY! BUT I WILL NEITHER FEIGN FRIENDLYNESS NOR RIDE IN THE SAME CAR AS HIM… HER… IT!" said Shine Down

"Then how will you get home?" asked Derpy

There was yet another long period of silence

"OK I'LL RIDE WITH THE FREAK THIS ONE TIME, BUT THAT'S IT!" said Shine Down

And so everyone piled into the van and the drive was awkwardly silent due to this contrived plotline to add another character. Then Derpy hit Big Mac with the Derpymobile.

"Looks like he only has a sprained foreleg." Said Uma

"Eeyup." Said Big Mac

"Oh god no! This mishap will result in week long strife and eventual food poisoning!" Yelled Shadow Snark

"That's probably an over-reaction." Said Uma

One week later the gang was in the hospital with food poisoning.

"I knew this would happen!" Yelled Shadow Snark

"I DON'T WANT TO BE IN THE SAME ROOM AS THIS FREAK!" Yelled Shine Down

"Can it, racist. I'm having enough trouble keeping this form without worrying about knifing me in my sleep." Said Uma

"This bagged punch is amazing!" said Derpy

"Grey pony, that's blood." Said Uma

"This is ridiculous." Said Shadow Snark, "Nurse get me my pen, parchment, and portal."

And she did, which Shadow used to write this letter

_Dear Princess Celestia,_

_ I have learned yet another lesson from my friends. Today I learned that my cousin is an absolute racist and that my choosing of friends seems entirely based on sex. Whether or not that comes back to haunt me is to be determined, but he seems like a pretty cool guy for now. But as for the actual lesson, don't let your idiot friends drive or half the town will become hospitalized._

_ -Shadow Snark_

End of chapter 4


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